Male feminists are something of a mystery to a lot of the Men’s Right’s movement. Often they seem to be among the most angrily opposed to Men’s Rights, and theories about them abound. It’s possible we may finally have a proper answer.
The following article was originally posted on our friendly neighbourhood Men’s Rights reddit.
Why So Many Male Feminists?
I hear the question asked frequently: why do so many men support a movement that demonizes them?
It’s not a question with an easy answer. I hear it dismissed too often as “desperate men trying to get laid” or predators using the feminist movement as cover. While it’s true in some cases, they are far from the majority. At one time, I was one of them, even if I didn’t officially identify as one. I’m just going to speak from my experience, so it doesn’t necessarily represent every individual.
Feminism Is Everywhere
For a long time, I never had any reason to question what I was taught. In school, we were sent the message of male abusers, female victims. Male victims were never even given lip service, let alone seen as a real problem. Girls were taught to avoid toxic relationships with nothing similar for men. I was bombarded with this message from school, the media, everywhere I went. It’s pretty easy to believe when it’s one-sided and I wouldn’t doubt many male feminists have only heard one side.
A more selfish reason is simply because it makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel useful. You’re on the side of justice. You’re protecting vulnerable women from evil men. We all fantasize about being the hero sometimes and being a feminist is an easy way to do that.
I react instinctively to female pain more than I do to male issues. It’s not a conscious reflex, even. Judgment is almost immediate, at least until I remind myself there are two sides to every story. I know better and female issues resonate with me more than male ones. It takes conscious thought to reign it in. They see injustices that women have to go through, how miserable it can make them, but have an enormously difficult time seeing the other side.
Surrounded By Feminists – With No Male Victims In Sight
That’s not including the fact that I have had female friends and even relatives hurt by men: those who have been abused and even raped. It makes me furious whenever I think about it, and there are a couple people… I hope one day to open the newspaper and discover that they’ve been found dead face down in a ditch. It would be easy for me to be a feminist, very easy. I’ve read articles and Quora responses from male feminists, and just about all of them have seen female friends and relatives hurt by cruel men.
One we can’t overlook is having either a partner or mother be a passionate feminist. I’ve seen a couple articles with titles like: “How I went from MRA to feminist” and it generally seems to be falling in love with a feminist partner. And if you’re raised to believe something along with having little reason to question it, being a male feminist is only natural. And hearing the suffering they’ve endured only makes it easier.
The Hidden Vulnerability of Men
By all rights, I should be one myself. I’m not a particularly masculine individual. I have high emotional sensitivity and occasionally suffer from anxiety. My personality is more what you would expect from a feminist man, yet I’m not one.
In the interest of complete honesty, if it wasn’t for being on the Autism Spectrum, I would probably be one. However, it leaves me quite vulnerable to false and wrongful accusations, something I learned the hard way. Being different means that I’m seen as dangerous, particularly by women. I’ve been on the receiving end of harassment allegations multiple times and even when I wasn’t formally punished, my reputation was destroyed. No one believed it was a misunderstanding. It’s made me quite paranoid about asking anyone out.
The Male Tendency Towards Female Supremacy
And I once thought and openly stated that women were superior. I considered women to be kinder, gentler, more loving, more supportive. I never went as far as the article: “Dear men, this is why women have every right to be disgusted with us” but that was my general sentiment.
I was also and still am uncomfortable with “locker room talk”. I learned over time that women can be just as bad, sometimes worse, but it’s still not something I’m fond of. I have those feelings and desires, certainly; I just prefer to keep them to myself.
Even if it is perplexing, there are genuine reasons for males to be feminists beyond trying to get laid. Many of them were raised by feminist mothers and often single mothers. My own mom is a feminist, though thankfully not a crazy one.
What Are Your Thoughts? (Men Are Human)
Judging by the number of prominent feminist men taken down by sexual assault allegations, there do seem predatory men in the movement. However, looking at the majority of feminist men, our commentator’s views aligns very strongly with what we have seen time and time again. The part about him having reduced empathy for men, in particular, is something we have shown before is a problem for men in general.
Are you inclined to agree – or not? Do you have a similar experience? Let us know in the comments.
Photo used under terms of Fair Use.
Saw this linked in the reddit thread, so am just going to copy and paste what I said there. This article really resonated with me, bravo to the writer. If you’re reading, can I ask- does it make you angry? Or have you found a way to come to peace with it all? What I struggle with is that I try to tell myself its just me looking for something to blame my own shortcomings on, but there’s this gaping wound left that just isn’t healing.
I was one. My best explanation is that growing up as a male in the 00’s I felt there was some kind of unspoken accord in place, that they as women owned the gender conversation and all that came with it, and me as a (non-identifying) man was to understand that I was to stay away from all that.
Didn’t have to think about it. Wasn’t allowed to think about it.
Which both meant exactly the same thing to me until I ran into the gender equality (ha ha ha) society in college, and at that time as I was trying to find my feet, there was just noone on our side, so I let their sheer passion win me over.
I guess I was trying to find my way back to a place where I didn’t have to think about gender again, being a male feminist seemed the easiest way of opting out.
I never felt comfortable within it, but to feel comfortable within it would have been to forget my privilege, so that was ok.
(I cringe thinking back to my goth days, I want to commit suicide when I think of my feminist ones)
I always knew how cold and mean to men feminism was, and I was prepared to grudgingly put up with that, but nothing could have prepared me for the Chernobyl level readings of sheer wrong coming off the whole thing.
But I hung around for two years anyway. I was never a proper slimeball, the kind of one that lives for going nuclear on an MRA to prove his alpha beta-male credentials, but I remember hearing about the MRA for the first time (about 2010) and feeling sick to the pit of my stomach at the thought they existed.
I never had a real encounter with an anti-feminist before my bubble burst of its own accord, so I don’t know how I’d have behaved. Probably very nastily.
Funnily enough, I can never entirely hate male feminists, it was them who gave me escape velocity. The female ones were too exotic and foreign to me to learn anything from, but spending enough time with the men slowly gave me the horror that i could end up just like them.
Then I found GWW (Thanks, Karen! Seriously), and Paul Elam, and now it all seems like a really stupid dream. Bits of it were quite exciting in a queasy junk food kind of way.
Ooh, but I did get sex out of it all though. And that wasn’t even my original intention! But since gender equality was never on the table anyway, I feel I deserve at least that much.
Thanks a lot for your interesting comment! I’ve alerted the original author, so you may get a response. Would you be willing to let me add your comment to a future article responding to this one?
Sure, no problem.
Just as long as you’re clear (There was some confusion over this at Reddit), that my comments about suicide and sex are jokes.
One of the reasons I liked this article because the writer seems to be able to talk about having been a male feminist without any defensiveness, which I’m not yet able to do. But if you do end up wanting to use this for something, and I can help clarify anything I’ve said in less glib terms, let me know and I’ll try..
Thanks a lot – and no worries about the jokes. I will add your comment to a future article with the name you sent me via email.
I really dont think there are very many male feminists. They just get more media attention because feminism is so entrenched within the media.
Thanks, Hadashi 🙂
Why so many male feminists? Women are more self-centered than men. Women have control over men.
“But what difference does it make whether women rule, or the rulers are ruled by women? The result is the same” Aristotle
This is what happens to males feminists