We Need Domestic Violence Shelters for Men

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This is an Argumentative Essay (dated 12/2/18) by “Edward Flatt” that was originally posted on The Men’s Rights Reddit, and published here with kind permission of the author. Some minor additions have been made, with the author’s permission. Original citations at bottom.

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When you think of domestic violence, what image first pops into your head? For many people, it is the image of an angry man beating or abusing his wife or girlfriend. While this example of domestic violence does occur, it is not the only example of domestic violence. Some people believe that men are always the perpetrators of abuse, and will act on that assumption. However, men can be and frequently are the victims of abuse. Due to the lack of resources available to male abuse victims, society’s attitude towards male abuse victims, and widespread sexist views towards men, society needs more domestic violence shelters specifically for men.

First, let’s answer the question, “What is domestic violence?” According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, domestic violence is “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship”, and that “Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim – or perpetrator – of domestic violence.” (“Abuse Defined”, thehotline.org). It is not defined as violence towards  women or violence perpetrated by men.

Despite this, many people believe that women cannot commit domestic violence. Glenn Sacks, in his article “What Happens When Abused Men Call Domestic Violence Hotlines And Shelters?”, writes about a conference by Denise Hines, Ph.D, who quotes an abused man as saying “They told me women don’t commit domestic violence — it must have been my fault” when he called a shelter for help (Sacks). In “David’s story,” an article from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, an abused man shares his experiences and states that even his own mother said, “What are you doing to make her behave that way?” (qtd. in David, “David’s story”). Our own domestic violence shelters, created and trained to protect victims of abuse, will turn away male victims on the basis of gender. Women can be abusers, and men can be victims.

When it comes to domestic violence, many believe that men are the only perpetrators. In a study of 302 abused men by Denise Hines, Ph.D, 32% who called a domestic violence hotline were instead “referred to a batterer’s program” (a support group for people who abuse), and 25% were “given a phone number to call that turned out to be a batterer’s program.” Almost 70% of these abused men claimed the hotlines to be “not at all helpful” (Sacks). A total of 57% of these abused men ended up being directed to a batterer’s program instead of receiving the help they needed. Even though anybody of any gender can be a batterer, even domestic violence hotlines will assume it is the male.

Most statistics show that women suffer much greater adverse effects from domestic violence than men do, and more often (Straus). However, a study by the CDC shows this may not actually be the case. When asked the same questions, which is an unusual occurrence, men reported being victimised in equal numbers to women. Even so, it is easy to picture women as the sole victims of domestic abuse; shelters for women are a very important part of our society. One may argue that more shelters for men takes away from female abuse victims. I do not mean to undermine the problem faced by women when it comes to domestic violence. This concern for female victims is admirable and well-placed; it simply should not prevent society from protecting our male victims as well.

When it comes to the frequency of male victims as compared to female victims, the difference appears to immediately be clear. It would seem that women are abused more frequently than men are. However, information about abuse cases perpetrated by women is concealed from the public. According to Murray Straus, “a study of newspaper coverage of the 785 homicides that occurred in Cincinnati, Ohio over a 17-year period found that 79% of partner homicides perpetrated by men were reported, compared to 50% of the partner homicides perpetrated by women. Moreover, for cases of women killed by a male partner there was a mean of 3.5 articles, compared to a mean of 1.7 articles for men killed by a female partner.” When it comes to abuse or homicide perpetrated by women, an astonishing percentage of them are simply not reported to the public. We need to protect our male victims; covering up and lying about information does nothing but harm them.

The misconceptions about domestic abuse are engrained deep within our culture. The image of “men as abusers” is so strong that even our defenses against domestic violence give in to it. From the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual & Domestic Violence, or ACESDV, a coalition whose goal is “to end sexual and domestic violence […] by dismantling oppression and promoting equity among all people” (“Who We Are”), Barbara Hart is quoted as saying “All men benefit from the violence of batterers” (“About Domestic Violence”). This statement is not conducive to promoting equity among all people and is simply an untrue statement.

Male abuse victims do not benefit from the violence of their batterers. The ACESDV also includes a section about domestic violence misconceptions versus facts. “Myth: Women are just as violent as men in relationships. Fact: Some women report striking their male partners during the course of conflict, often in self-defense. Women, however, rarely commit deliberate acts that result in fear, injury, rape, or death”. This last statement is untrue.

According to Murray Straus, “Women initiate PV [partner violence] at the same or higher rates as men, and they are the sole perpetrator at the same or higher rates.” The untrue stereotype that women rarely abuse men is prevalent enough that even organizations against domestic abuse spread it as fact.

Domestic violence shelters are a part of society. As a society, we want to protect victims of abuse and provide a safe space for recovery. However, domestic violence shelters as a concept are geared almost exclusively towards women. England and Wales has room to shelter roughly 7500 female victims domestic violence. In comparison, there are only 60 domestic violence placements for men (Campbell). Domestic violence shelters for men compose 0.8% of the total shelters in those two countries. Men make up from 33% (Straus) to over 40% (Campbell) of domestic abuse victims. If up to over 40% of abuse victims are male, it seems wrong that only 0.8% of abuse shelters are dedicated to them.

In 2015, Taylor House, a shelter for male victims of domestic abuse, was opened. It became the “first shelter for male victims of domestic violence to be registered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence” (Miller). The first battered women’s shelter in America was opened in 1973, and by 1979, over 250 of them had opened (“History of Battered Women’s Movement”). The time from our first battered women’s shelter to our first male domestic violence shelter spans 42 years. From the first battered women’s shelter in 1973, to the first registered battered men’s shelter in 2014, it took our society 42 years to realize that men need a safe space from abuse as well.

As a society, we are making progress. The opening of Taylor House is a step in the right direction. However, we’re not done. Society viewing men only as abusers and women only as victims is a huge problem. Opening more domestic violence shelters for men would send the message to male abuse victims that they are valid and believed. It would provide a safe space for abuse victims who would otherwise be turned away. Abused men need more support in society and opening more domestic violence shelters would provide that.

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Men Are Human Responds

Thank you for reading, and I hope we will be seeing more articles from our guest author in future. As part of our fact-checking, we delved into the website for the government-funded Arizona Coalition to End Sexual & Domestic Violence, and what we found was downright disturbing. A casual glance at the site gives the impression of an extremely clean, friendly, and gender-neutral resource – with workshops for male and female victims. They even acknowledge ‘made to penetrate’ as a kind of sexual violence directed at men – for which we applaud them. We would prefer if they campaigned to class it under rape (which is what it is), however it is legally correct to call it sexual assault.

But, dig a little deeper, and you will find out that nothing is as it first seems. Putting aside the small number of red flags dotted about, the biggest warning signs are hidden in their top menu. Most damning of all is their “Guiding Principals” manifesto – which openly, and unironically, blames masculinity for every kind of bigotry there is under the cover of attacking “a patriarchal ideology which ascribes power/privilege to masculinity while disempowering and devaluing identities and ideals associated with femininity “. This is an outright conspiracy theory centred around masculinity that seeks to remove all social blame female abusers might have, and drop it squarely onto men. We will go into greater detail on this and how it works in a later article. For the time being, you can read more about this strange ‘Gender Studies’ based language and see it in action here.

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Works Cited in Original Essay

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This Needs To Be Public Knowledge

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